Projections. The dark & light.
The dark, the first time she said “no” to something she had always said “yes” to, someone close to her said: “Oh wow… you’ve changed.” And not in the good way. What they really meant was: “You’re not playing the role I need you to play anymore.” At first, you might feel guilty. Like you have done something wrong.
Alternatively, we also project our brilliance/light. When you’re drawn to someone’s confidence, creativity or freedom etc., you’re witnessing an aspect of your own soul calling to be reclaimed. These are invitations to remember your wholeness, to embody what you admire rather than idolize it in another.
What Is a Projection, Really?
In simple terms: A projection happens unconsciously when we assign our own inner qualities, emotions or wounds onto someone else.
Imagine walking through a forest. You’re surrounded by trees, some tall, some twisted, some quiet and unassuming, some boldly reaching toward the sky. Each tree is different. Each takes up space in its own way. None of them apologize for it.
The cedar doesn’t shrink because the maple flares with color. The pine doesn’t stretch itself to match the oak. The forest just is.
Now imagine two people walk into this forest.
They see a tree standing tall, roots deep, branches wide, fully alive in its shape. One person admires it’s beauty and strength “look at how grounded it is". “It’s magical how it can just bend with the wind, I wish my mind could be that flexible.” The other scoffs. “Well, that tree is just trying to stand out.” It’s so full of itself.” “Who does it think it is, taking up all that space?”
We know the tree isn’t trying to do anything. It’s just being what it is. Fully. Unapologetically. Naturally. But the person can’t see the tree clearly.
They’re witnessing their own desire to embody something within or their discomfort reflected back. The rooted tree in this story is a mirror.
That’s a projection.
Projections Are Not About You. They’re About the Viewer.
When you begin to stand taller in your life, setting boundaries, speaking honestly, choosing rest, saying no, you will trigger projections. The hard truth is this, the people who benefitted from your lack of boundaries will often speak the loudest as they benefitted the most.
You might hear:
“You’re so selfish now.”
“You’ve changed.”
“You’re too much.”
“You thinks she’s better than us.”
But you’re not doing anything to them. You’re just growing. Like a tree. Rooted in your own truth. Their reaction is not proof that you’re wrong. It’s proof that they don’t yet know how to meet themselves fully, yet.
Projection Is a Mirror, Not a Window
Most people walk through life holding a mirror, not a window. Instead of seeing you clearly, they reflect their own:
Insecurity
Envy
Fear of being left behind
Desire for your freedom, but their fear of claiming it
They don’t see you. They see the parts of themselves they’ve rejected within you, and you remind them of that. Just take a look at the media. It’s toxic. So, Be the Tree. The tree doesn’t apologize for growing. It doesn’t stop reaching just because another tree finds it “too much.” It doesn’t dim its presence because someone else is uncomfortable. It simply holds its place in the forest, with deep roots, clear boundaries, and silent wisdom. You can, too.
Why Projections Hit So Hard for Women
Because we’ve been raised to believe:
Our worth is in how much we give
Our role is to make others comfortable
Our job is to be likable, agreeable, accommodating
So when someone projects disappointment, anger, or rejection onto women, it taps into those deep fears:
Am I being too much?
Am I being selfish?
Will they stop loving me if I say no?
Why Projections Hit So Hard for Men
For many men, projections cut deep because they touch the parts that were never allowed to feel. Men are often conditioned to base their worth on being strong, capable, and in control. So when someone projects something onto them “you’re selfish,” “you’re unsafe,” “you don’t care,” it doesn’t just land as feedback; it strikes at identity.
Without much practice in emotional differentiation, projections can feel like truth rather than energy passing through. They awaken buried shame, the fear of being “not enough,” of failing to protect or provide.
And since men are rarely given safe spaces to process those feelings, the pain has nowhere to go.
Simply, projections hit hard because they pierce the edges of identity and reveal the boy underneath, the one who learned that love depended on being good, strong, or right.
So when someone projects disappointment, anger, or rejection onto men, it taps into those deep fears:
Am I enough? (fear of inadequacy)
Am I strong enough to provide? (fear of failure)
If they sees this in me, they stop loving me? (fear of rejection)
If I let this in, I’ll fall apart. (fear of vulnerability and fear of losing of control)
Vulnerability has often been equated with weakness, so emotional intensity can feel threatening to men’s stability.
Here’s the truth: You’re not responsible for someone else’s story about you. But, you are responsible for staying in integrity with yourself.
What Dark Projection Looks Like in Real Life
You finally set a boundary with your mother, sister, aunt...
She says, “Wow, I guess you’re too busy for family now.”
Projection: Her fear of abandonment
Truth: You’re finally choosing balance
You tell your partner you need space...
They say, “I guess I’m just not enough for you anymore.”
Projection: Their insecurity
Truth: You’re honoring your nervous system
You stop over-giving in a friendship...
They say, “You’ve changed. You’re acting different lately.”
Projection: Their resistance to change
Truth: You’re evolving
Here’s What to Remember When You’re Being Projected Onto
Pause. Breathe. Don’t take the bait.
Ask yourself: “Is this actually mine?”
Return to your body. Does this feel like truth, or like guilt wrapped in someone else’s emotion?
Don’t argue the projection. You don’t have to convince someone to see you clearly. That’s not your job.
Anchor back into your own boundary. You’re allowed to take care of yourself, even if someone doesn’t understand it.
Boundaries Bring Up Projections, Every Darn Time
Because when you stop playing a role people are used to… they panic. They see your growth as rejection. Your self-honoring as betrayal. Your clarity as coldness. But that’s their work.
Not yours.
Curious? Want to practice boundary work? This is the kind of work we do inside our e-book, Embodied Boundaries
It’s more than a guide to saying “no.” It’s a deep, embodied invitation to start untangling from:
Projections that make you doubt yourself
Guilt that isn’t yours
Roles that you never agreed to
And identities that kept you small, silent, and exhausted
Inside, you’ll explore what it means to cultivate boundaries that feel both firm and flexible, strong yet compassionate. Through real-world examples of “yes” and “no” boundaries, embodied practices, and guided questions for self-reflection, you’ll have the tools to recognize, strengthen, and embody the boundaries that support your well-being. You’ll also find metaphors on the wisdom of roses, yes roses, how they grow, protect, and connect, offering insight into how we too, can honour our needs while remaining open to connection.
Your boundaries are an expression of your inner power, your self-worth, and your right to take up space in the world. May this book help you reclaim them with clarity, confidence, and compassion.
[Download the e-book here] and start returning every projection to sender. With love, of course.
Let them talk. Let them project. You, sweet one? Be the tree and return the rest back to sender.
Love you, mean it!
Rhea & The Entire Sacred Moon Collective xo